I’ve been having dreams with a reoccurring presence in them. What’s weird is that the thing that I’m seeing over and over are crabs. I’ve had multiple dreams where they’ve been present. I don’t quite understand the meaning of them but I feel like somehow it’s significant. Each time I’m afraid to touch them in fear of getting pinched but they’re very much present in my dreams. Maybe they have significance since I am a cancer and my signs a crab. Lol I don’t know but it’s pretty crazy. The dreams are very vivid, I’d just really like to know the meaning.
Today is the first Thanksgiving that I’ll be spending here in San Francisco and it’s the first that I’m spending alone. Today just seems like it’s dragging on, I’m constantly checking up on IG and seeing posts on FB of how my family, friends & loved ones are spending their holiday.
I know, the thought of doing that probably sounds depressing and sad, but surprisingly, it the opposite.
I sit back and smile at their posts. It makes me incredibly glad that they’re so happy and surrounded with people they love. It’s as if I’m witnessing hundreds of happy stories unfolding in front of me starting the people I love. Knowing they’re all happy makes me happy.
As for being alone this Thanksgiving it gives me time to actually reflect onto my relationship with people. The fact that I miss them so much just validates how thankful I am for each and every one of them. I guess it’s true when they say ‘You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.’ Being surrounded by the people I loved day in and day out has made me forget to let them know how much I appreciate them. So today I decided to send a message to as many people as I could who’ve affected me, who i definitely feel thankful for.
Just because I’m alone this Thanksgiving does not mean I’m alone.
I think it’s time,
Time that I started treating this place the way I use too. This used to be a journal of my deepest thoughts, and somehow I managed to just slip away from the sanctuary that allowed me to speak my mind. From now on, whenever I need to vent, have the inspiration to write or just the urge to share a thought, I’ll try my best to relay it back into here.
I have this feeling, i guess more like this instinct, that I will be gone for awhile. Everything that is about to come upon me, I know that I probably deserve. I’m gonna have to face things head on and accept my punishment. I know I let a lot of people down which is why I know that I’m going to need to go away for awhile. I’ll be back a better person, I promise.